The concept of Biblical sexuality may be new to you. You may actually be very familiar with Biblical sexuality. Either way, you are likely to have questions about what Biblical sexuality means and how it is applied.

Whatever worldview you are trying to navigate, the following ten questions are offered to help. Each question is one you may be asking or have heard someone else ask.

Each answer is provided by a person who is same-sex attracted or experiences gender dysphoria, yet is trusting the circle of God's design for holy sexuality. Their books or articles are provided for further research and study.

DOES GOD REALLY EXPECT SOME PEOPLE TO NOT HAVE SEX?

by Ed Shaw, from the book, Same-Sex Attraction and the Church

"No sex does not necessarily mean a lack of healthy intimacy or the unhealthy repression of a person's sexuality. And...it does not need to mean the loneliness that many fear either. Church family is God's answer to his own observation that it is not good for a human being to be alone (Genesis 2:18). Pastorally, I've actually discovered more loneliness in marriages than among single people because marriage can isolate people from their friends...

I know there are many today who think that it is a great tragedy to die a virgin. But I hope I will. Because I know that I will not have lost out on anything too significant. Because the Bible teaches me that I will have missed only a brief foretaste that sex is meant to be of the eternal reality of the perfect union between Christ and his church that I will one day experience forever (Revelation 21:1-5). Any fleeting pleasure I've given up in the meantime will be more than worth it then.

So celibacy is a plausible way to live. We need to repent of hiding that fact. And we need more lives that demonstrate it plausibly today - not only for the benefit of same-sex attracted Christians like me but also for the benefit of the whole church."

WHY DOES GOD CARE WHO I SLEEP WITH?

by Sam Allberry, from the book, Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With?

"God cares who we sleep with because he cares deeply about the people who are doing the sleeping. He cares because sex was his idea, not ours. He cares because misusing sex can cause profound hurt and damage. He cares because he regards us as worthy of his care. And, in fact, that care is not only seen in telling us how we should use sex, but also in how he makes forgiveness and healing available to us when we mess up."

ISN’T CHRISTIANITY SELF-RIGHTEOUS AND HOMOPHOBIC?

by Rebecca McLaughlin, from the book, Confronting Christianity: 12 Hard Questions for the World's Largest Religion 

"When we examine the New Testament, we find explicit prohibitions of homosexual sex. But we also find surprising weakness in the claim that Paul, who wrote most of the relevant texts, was a judgmental homophobe. In a letter to his mentee Timothy, Paul reaffirms the scriptural prohibitions on sexual sin - heterosexual and homosexual. But he refuses to stand on any moral high ground...

Paul writes: 'The law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine’ (1 Timothy 1:9-10). 

A few verses later in 1 Timothy (Paul) writes, 'Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost' (1 Tim. 1:15). Far from thinking he is better than those whose sin he lists, Paul presents himself as worse. 

In Paul's letter to the Corinthians, we get a glimpse of a church composed of repentant sinners of all kinds - sexual and otherwise. Corinth was the Vegas of the Roman Empire, with party-city ethics. 'Do you not know,' writes Paul, 'that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?' He then lists illustrative examples: 'Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God' (1 Corinthians 6:9-11). According to this passage, some of the very first Christians entered the church with homosexual histories and desires. This is as true today as it was then. 

While the New Testament is clear on its no to homosexual relationships, it leaves no room for a 'them and us' approach. By Jesus' definition, every adult Christian is guilty of sexual sin, and Christians with homosexual desires and histories helped to launch the early church. While I do not believe that upholding biblical sexual ethics is innately homophobic...many Christians today do need to repent of their unbiblical attitudes."

WHAT ABOUT ‘LOVE IS LOVE’?

by Sam Allberry, from the article, "Love Is Not Always Love. Why Feelings Must Bow Before God"  from desiringgod.org 

"It is surprisingly hard to pin down precisely what love is. We know we need it; we just struggle to articulate what 'it' actually is. This matters profoundly. We base a lot of ideology, politics, and personal ethics on the assumption that a given course of action is loving. We use hashtags like #LoveIsLove and #LoveWins as though they settle the matter and we all know what we're talking about.

So if we don't really know as much about love as we think we do, then some of our conclusions about love are not as firm as we think they are. Love is not as straightforward as we tend to think. 

'God is love' (1 John 4:8) doesn't mean that God must approve of everything I think is love. It is very easy for us to mistake all sorts of intense and even harmful feelings for love. Instead, 'God is love' means that God knows far more about love than we do, and that we must therefore listen to him if we are to love each other as we truly should and in the right way. 

What God shows us will always be more loving than any alternative we might come up with. Obedience to him will never mean we end up loving people less. We might feel like that in some cases, but that is probably because we are wanting to love someone in the wrong kind of way, and God isn't so much calling us to love them less than he is calling us to love them differently, which will really mean loving them bettter...

We can never truly love someone more by disobeying the God who is love."

DOES GOD JUST WANT TO MAKE GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?

by Jackie Hill Perry, from the article, "The Heterosexual Gospel" from desiringgod.org

"When the gospel is presented as 'Come to Jesus to be straight,' instead of 'Come to Jesus to be made right with God,' we shouldn't be surprised when people won't come to Jesus at all. If he is not the aim of their repentance, then he will not be believed as the ultimate aim of their faith. They will only exchange one idol for another and believe themselves to be Christian because of it.

What the gay community needs to hear is not that God will make them straight, but that Christ can make them his. In this age, they may never be 'straight' (for lack of better words), but they can be holy (1 Corinthians 1:30). We must remind others (and ourselves) that Christ is ultimately calling them to himself - to know Christ, love Christ, serve Christ, honor Christ, and exalt Christ forever. When he is the aim of their repentance, and the object of their faith, they are made right with God the Father, and given the power by the Holy Spirit to deny all sin - sexual and otherwise...

God has not come mainly to make same-sex attracted men and women completely straight, or to get them hitched. Christ has come to make us right with God. And in making us right with God, he is satisfying us in God. That news is good for a reason. For it proclaims to the world that Jesus has come so that all sinners, gay and straight, can be forgiven of their sins to love God and enjoy him forever."

CAN SOMEONE FOLLOW JESUS AND HAVE A GAY OR TRANSGENDER IDENTITY?

by Becket Cook, from the article, "From Gay to Gospel: The Fascinating Story of Becket Cook" from TheGospelCoalition.org

"They are irreconcilable. It's strange to me to see these attempts. I had such a clean break from it, and it was entirely God's grace upon me to see that it was necessary. Would you call yourself a greedy Christian? Would you call yourself a tax-collector Christian?

 It seems strange to identify yourself with sin. It's a square circle. Defining yourself as a 'gay Christian,' even if you are celibate and not active in a homosexual relationship, is wildly misleading. And it's almost like you're stewing in your old sin, hanging onto your old self in a weird way. It's not helpful to have that moniker over you and to continually identify as such. Why would you identify with your old-self that has been crucified with Christ? So I flee from that (idea) as far as I can. It's not who I am at all. 

If people ask me how I identify, I'm just like, 'I don't identify by my sexuality. I'm a follower of Christ who has a lot of struggles, including same-sex attraction."

CAN I BE PART OF A CHURCH IF I’M SAME-SEX ATTRACTED?

by Rachel Gilson, from the book, Born Again This Way.

"All people are sexually broken, in need of forgiveness and transformation. We need to believe God: that it's his kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). We must be clear about and faithful to what the word says about sexuality - all of it. Which means not placing extra burdens on some while excusing others.

Same-sex attracted believers have a ministry in the church to show the good news that, even in the face of enduring temptation, life in Christ can be found. That his Spirit provides power for holiness, so that no one in church needs to shrug shoulders and accept the devastation and destruction caused by sexual sin in any of its forms. That all of us, whatever our sexuality, need and desire the same grace and truth over time."

WHAT IF SOMEONE ‘COMES OUT’ TO ME?

by Vaughan Roberts, from the book, Transgender.

"I hope that the first response with those we love very much and we know well will be to love them and to affirm our love for them and then to listen. There has already been a huge journey for them to arrive at this conclusion, and the first thing we need to do is listen and understand. It will be with considerable pain and fear that they have 'come out' to you - so you need to recognize this and thank them for being honest with you. We could ask further questions like: How did you come to that point? What's it been like for you? What things have you particularly struggled with?

Very likely they will have a huge fear of rejection and they will need you to express your love for them, and your affirmation and understanding of them as a person with these feelings. I would suggest that, only then - in the context of an ongoing, loving friendship - will we be in a position to gain a hearing for what the Bible teaches. We will perhaps need to explain why we can't endorse a particular course of action that they are planning to take. But we can only do this helpfully if it's in the context of a loving and supportive relationship."

WHAT ABOUT HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE COMMITTED AND FAITHFUL TO EACH OTHER?

by Sam Allberry, from the book, Is God Anti-Gay?

"Consistency and faithfulness while sinning in no way diminish the sin... In many areas of life it is possible to demonstrate good qualities while doing something wrong. A thief in a gang may demonstrate impeccable loyalty to his fellow criminals during the act of stealing: looking out for them, protecting them from danger, being sure to give them a generous proportion of the takings. None of this in any way lessens the immorality of the act; it just means he is being a 'good' thief rather than a 'bad' thief. As we have seen, Scripture is clear in its prohibition of any homosexual activity. Activity that is faithful and committed is no more permissible than activity that's promiscuous and unfaithful."

ISN’T BIBLICAL SEXUALITY OVERLY RESTRICTIVE?

by Sam Allberry, from the book, Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With?

"The issue is not whether there should be restrictions on what someone can do sexually but what those restrictions are. All of us believe in the need for them; the issue is what they should be. All of us agree that there is such a thing as sexually immoral behavior. Not every sexual desire is equally healthy, noble, or right. Some forms of sexual behaviour are harmful. Everyone needs to have some level of self-control over their sexual desires.

What is distinctive about the Christian understanding of sexual ethics, then, is not the presence of boundaries but where those boundaries are located and for what reason. The issue is not that Christians are in favour of sexual repression and others are champions for sexual freedom. No one is for full sexual freedom, and everyone believes certain sexual desires should be resisted. What we need to do is look at each set of boundaries and evaluate how compelling the rationale given for them is. Looser boundaries are not necessarily better, just as narrower ones are not necessarily worse. To write off the Christian understanding of sexual ethics as simply being 'restrictive' is disingenuous.

Our recent growing awareness of the prevalence and consequences of sexual assault only underlines the importance of boundaries. We are concerned with boundaries precisely because we're convinced that sexuality matters, and that its abuse also matters. This is not prudishness but protection."

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